you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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