There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
