i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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