Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my being single is dangerous.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The power of my boobs compel you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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