We named our party play list daddy issues
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
