You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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