my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
