Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
