you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
