i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
