Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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