I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
