guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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