Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
