i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
