If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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