By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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