I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
