nut hugger
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
