Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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