I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
