Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
