Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
