Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I still have a little drunk in my system
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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