i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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