We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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