Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
