Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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