I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize