we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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