i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize