just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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