My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
