we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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