Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
