I wish I only lived at night.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
