i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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