I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
