That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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