i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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