i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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