some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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