I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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