I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
