We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
