Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
