I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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