I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
