These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
