new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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