Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize