u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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