It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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