Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
