I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
