the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
