Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize