Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
