you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
