so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
