she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize