All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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