wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
