he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
