I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
