I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize